Cynthia met Chris on a flight to Calabar. They hit it off immediately and people sometimes wondered what such unlike persons had in common. Chris was reserved while Boma was an extrovert; he could easily listen to people talk while she liked to talk. They courted for three and half years before getting married. They had an ideal wedding and honeymoon. Their first year as a couple was wonderful, and then they began to drift apart.
Five years into their marriage, Cynthia realises that her husband speaks in short sentences and spends more time in front of the television set. He spends after work hours and most of the weekend with ‘the boys’. Whenever Cynthia complains, he would ask if staying home would put food on the table. Now because Chris isn’t talking much, she has decided to focus more attention on their two children; with this new attitude, Chris has kept even more to himself. Cynthia worries about Chris’ safety, but once he’s home she accuses him of self- centeredness and that he leaves the upbringing of the children to her alone. she advises him to bring the woman he is seeing home as his second wife(he says he.s seeing nobody). With such frequent emotional outbursts, Chris has kept even quieter, the home is now more unbearable, the kids and Cynthia no longer look forward to his coming home.
PLS HELP THIS COUPLE!
4 comments:
I've just read the sad story of Chris and Cynthia. Number 1 conclusion I jumped to, no, I came to is that both of them do not care to work on the relationship. If there is a problem - whether the couple fell in love at first sight and married the following day or took a thousand precautions and married only when they were sure, after 2 years - both parties must be determined to work on it.
Chris can decide to be responsible and admit or confess what takes his time outside the home. Certainly, it is not in a bid to put food on the table that he stays out. I cant say he doesn't spend time with the boys, he can tell Cynthia where he spends time. Why will he do this? To find a solution to the problem. Infact, the most important thing is, 'What makes Chris go out to wherever he goes?' Chris must tell Cynthia what she is doing, not doing, or whatever, that has made him lose interest in 'love of his life'. Both of them must be willing to sit and talk about it. TALK ABOUT IT WITHOUT EMOTIONS RISING. NOT SHOUTING, BANGING THE TABLE, SLAPPING THE OTHER'S FACE, ETC. SIT AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF A TABLE AND LAY ON IT THE ISSUES WITH THE AIM OF GETTING THE GROOVE BACK INTO THE RELATIONSHIP.
Often, spouses just play the blame game. I use this while counselling the married: Each partner just states his/her contribution to the problem. Chris and Cynthia should try this. Chris certainly has some responsibility in the problem. Cynthia also has some responsibility in creating the problem. State yours to your spouse. I RAISE MY VOICE AT HIM/HER. I FLIRT WITH SOMEONE. I THIS/THAT, ETC.
A lot of the stress of married life can disappear if couples are Christ-like in their attitude and not each trying to justify themselves and blame the other.
Ok. Hope to hear good news about C and C!
Well well well, yes i really think the 2 have their won roles to playto make the relationship work. if cynthia thinks that her husband enjoys being out, she could make it a family affair as in also go out with him rather than condemning his going out. if you feel he sits too much in front of the TV she can also sit with him and 'try' to enjoy whatever program he is watching, that way she can be involved in 'his life'. if he makes only short sentences then she should not give him the room to do that by asking 'open ended' questions that will make him talk. She cannot get her husband to do what she wants by nagging or shouting or harassing him. She can reach out to him only by getting to know him (obviously she does not know whom she married). As for chris, please my brother the issue of women, na patience o, try and love your wife indeed and involve her in things that you are doing. whatever it is that will make her happy, just sacrifice and do it even if it means staying at home with her and the kids.
Sincerely speaking there is no ideal marriage, every one has its own perculiarities but people still get by, have you ever wondered how 2 people with their own diffences can be together for 20, 30, 40 years?? U JUST HAVE TO KEEP WORKING AT IT.
Above all i pray they should submit their marriage to God who is able to bind them with cords that cannot be broken.
i would say this is typical of a lot of homes,couples begin to tolerate each other rather than celebrate and enjoy their relationship,obviously the problem is a major breech in communication,the fact that they have different temperaments dosent justify the problems they are having,i believe that there are alot of things going on between them that they cannot talk about to each other,courtship should be a period of learning ,understudying each other,laying a strong foundation for marriage,if this is not done sooner or later it'l show in the marriage.
the good news is that things can change if the couple desire change,it will take conscious effort,faith in God and alot of patience.
1st step chris n cynthia admit you have a problem face it dont try to run awsy,address the main issues n dont magnify trivialities.acknowledge that u need God n be honest with each other,seek counsel from a spiritual authority.its well i trust that God will see u thru amen.
She enjoy wot he likes and also go down on her kneels to pray and ask God for a change in their home.
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